07/21/14,1:34 PM, Business Administration I
Like almost any human being, I have numerous desires and expectations for the future. I’ve always wanted to fly a kite, learn to crochet, become a doctor… But I’ve also acknowledged that anyone can spend their entire lives wishing and even working for something only to never achieve it.
I’m busting my ass in college now trying to get to where I want to be. It isn’t easy, and there is always going to be the possibility that I will end up somewhere else completely, all this effort fruitless.
Part of me is very okay with that.
My ultimate plan is just to be happy. I want the future me to look at life and be able to say that things are generally good—even if I never get to see Machu Picchu or fall in love for good.
"I’d survive no matter what,"
This part of me isn’t so concerned. I can live with never breaking 100 in one game of bowling (I’m a terrible bowler) or riding a horse.
As long as I can smile, my life has been successful, right?
The other half of me lusts for the things that really matter so severely, sometimes it pushes me to anxiety.
"I don’t want to survive, I want to live.”
I want to be able to guarantee certain aspects of my future in a world where there is no such thing as guarantees.
Everyone wants that shit, really.
As fearful as I am about certain things never happening, I need to stop worrying about next month or next year or next decade.
I can’t keep living in anticipation, mind always the future, letting my todays slip by when we have limited tomorrows.
We need to go one foot in front of the other, but damn it’s hard when you want to run.
Baby let your hair down
Let me run my fingers through it
We can be ourselves now
Go ahead, be foolish
I’ve gained quite a few followers within the week and feel the need to introduce myself and my intentions.
I keep this partway-anonymous.
I use the real names of those mentioned, however will not be directly revealing who I am or more about me than the following:
I am young, female university student who suffers from generalized anxiety disorder, formerly on medication but recently free from those chains.
I enjoy a variety of hobbies, writing included. I choose to write as a way to cope with my anxiety.
Most of my blog is a series of personal theories, daily thoughts, and quotes/scenes from books/movies that really resonate with me.
Welcome, and thank you for taking this journey through life with me.